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Just Me Today

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Hello, it has been a few weeks since I’ve posted a new blog post. I’ve been doing a lot of growing in more ways than one.

Life Is Good

For starters, I have two brand new grandsons that I adore. There is something so beautiful when life gives back and you realize that your family is just so blessed beyond measure. We have grown by eight babies since we first became grand parents. It is a blessing all in itself. Eight more beautiful souls that God has intrusted us with. I just can’t see anything but love here. I am the luckiest Grandma and Momma in the world! I really don’t think you could convince me otherwise! 

Maddox
Maddox 8/1/18

There is a lot to be thankful for in our lives. When we do some serious searching of our hearts we realize that this right here is so much more important than anything else our lives may be lacking. 

Before

When I was lucky enough to be raising my own children, I loved them with everything I had in me. I truly did. I was too damaged at the time from all of my past hurts to truly enjoy them the way I should have. I regret that. There is no way to go back and change it. To give them 100% of myself like they deserved. All I can do now is be a better me. Give them the best me I can. Give my grandchildren a healthier Grandma than I almost was. Hopefully that will be enough for them. Hopefully they see me for who I am now, versus the me I used to be.

Now

I value growth and change when it is positive and I can move so far forward that the past is not what defines me any more. My movement, thankful heart, gratitude, desire to give back, to love with all I have in me, that is how I now want to be defined. I am blessed! I want the whole world to know how blessed I feel! There is nothing more important to me than my family.

Reflection

Not too long ago, my husband and I were separated and my youngest daughter and I were living in San Diego, CA. I had a very good job that paid very well. Life was good even though my job was very stressful, I loved being near the ocean. It was the most peaceful place I’ve ever had the pleasure of living. 

One day I sat on the beach and I began to miss the kids at home, the life I once had. I missed my husband! There really was no one else I wanted next to me on that beach! That is when I knew it was them that I needed more than the beach life.  All the anger and hurt melted away. God is so good, He took me away from everything so that I could see where my value’s were. He showed me that there was such a thing as forgiveness and grace. He granted it to me and it empowered me to grant it to my husband. I am forever thankful I did. I am grateful to be on the receiving end of forgiveness as well.

My husband, since I’ve returned home, has been the most gentle soul. He has become my best friend. I really can’t imagine being without him again. Our family is whole. Our family is full of love. We are getting stronger and stronger every day. 

Proud Papa and Grandma with baby Maddox

Blessings Upon Blessings

I’ve come so far from that damaged person who coudn’t breathe without the pain and constant reminder that all I loved once, was gone. By choice, a choice not of my making. The damage was real and constant. I always felt like I wasn’t enough.

But now, oh my goodness! I can finally see life as beautiful and wonderful. Even admist all the struggles financially, since I’m not working, I see the good in my life. I see that I’m enough! I see the love my grandson with Autism has for me even though he can’t express it with words. It brings so much joy to me to be able to touch a living soul positively. 

It is when you wake up with gratitude and with a thankful heart that things begin to move forward and blessings begin to appear one by one. I see them every single day. I see them in the faces of those I am lucky enough to call my family. I see them in my husband. I see them in my children. I see them in my grandchildren. So many blessings to behold and show gratitude for!

What are your blessings?

Go out and find your blessings. Count them every single day. Be grateful for them. They are the gifts that keep on giving. They are the one’s that make this life worth living. They are the reason we are here. They are our true purpose on this earth. There is nothing sweeter than having a grandchild say, “I love you”!

Side Note: My grandson Liam was born 7/22/18. Unable to publish without parental permission. He is just as much loved and enjoyed!